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<!--Generated by Squarespace Site Server v5.11.5 (http://www.squarespace.com/) on Sun, 01 Aug 2010 09:28:41 GMT--><rdf:RDF xmlns:rdf="http://www.w3.org/1999/02/22-rdf-syntax-ns#" xmlns:rss="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:admin="http://webns.net/mvcb/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:cc="http://web.resource.org/cc/"><rss:channel rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/"><rss:title>Daily Dumbass</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/</rss:link><rss:description></rss:description><dc:language>en-US</dc:language><dc:date>2010-08-01T09:28:41Z</dc:date><admin:generatorAgent rdf:resource="http://www.squarespace.com/">Squarespace Site Server v5.11.5 (http://www.squarespace.com/)</admin:generatorAgent><rss:items><rdf:Seq><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/30/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/29/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/28/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/27/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/26/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/22/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/21/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/20/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/15/daily-dumbass.html"/><rdf:li rdf:resource="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/14/daily-dumbass.html"/></rdf:Seq></rss:items></rss:channel><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/30/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/30/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-30T11:55:43Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Fla. deputy shoots himself in leg during training</h2>
<p>CRESTVIEW, Fla. &ndash; An Okaloosa Sheriff's deputy is on leave after  shooting himself in the leg during a training exercise at a firing  range. Miguel Rojas accidentally hit himself Tuesday when deputies were  forced to use their less-dominant hand to shoot. The 35-year-old caught  his finger in the trigger guard while trying to holster his gun. The  bullet broke a small bone in Rojas' leg, but the injury didn't require  surgery.</p>
<p>The department's chief deputy said Rojas is in good  spirits, but won't get any relief from his co-workers for a while.</p>
<p>He is an eight-year sheriff's department veteran and a  member of its Special Response Team.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/29/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/29/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-29T12:20:35Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Md. man sentenced for stealing library's tarantula</h2>
<p>WESTMINSTER, Md. &ndash; A Maryland man has been sentenced to 90 days in  jail for stealing a spider from a public library.</p>
<p>Carroll County Circuit Judge J. Barry Hughes  sentenced 27-year-old Randy Humple of Westminster on Monday.</p>
<p>Staff at the Westminster library called police May 19  after they discovered Chili Rose, a Chilean Rose tarantula at the  information desk, had disappeared. Witnesses told authorities they saw  Humple with the spider and that he bragged about swiping it.</p>
<p>Hughes also sentenced Humple to four years in prison  for violating his probation in a 2007 assault case. Humple told the  judge he knows he's done some stupid things and he wants to serve his  sentence.</p>
<p>The judge said that while what Humple did may have  been "stupid on one level," it was also "criminal on another level."</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/28/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/28/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-28T12:03:44Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Package for Ala. grandma contains 6 lbs. of drugs</h2>
<p>TALLADEGA, Ala. &ndash; A package addressed from "Grandpa Henderson" in San  Diego, Calif., to "Grandma Henderson" in Talladega, Ala., wasn't  ordinary mail, and it wasn't picked up by any grandmother.</p>
<p>The package aroused suspicions among Talladega postal  inspectors, who contacted the Talladega County drug task force. Task  force commander Jason Murray said a trained drug-detection dog singled  out the package, and law enforcement officers<a id="KonaLink0" class="kLink" style="border-bottom-color: #366388; border-bottom-style: dotted;" href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100728/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_marijuana_for_grandma#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #366388 ! important; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;"></span></a><span style="color: #366388;"> </span>waited for someone to pick  it up.</p>
<p>Three men did that Saturday. They were stopped after  they left the post office, and officers found more than 6 pounds of  marijuana in the package.</p>
<p>Murray said the three have been charged with  trafficking in marijuana.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/27/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/27/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-27T12:08:17Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask</h2>
<p>MIDWEST CITY, Oklahoma (Reuters) &ndash; An unemployed woman who said she  was desperate for money has been arrested on charges she robbed an  Oklahoma McDonald's with a white stretch girdle wrapped around her face  as a makeshift mask.</p>
<p>Authorities said 51-year-old Sharon Lain of Midwest City admitted to  being the underwear-masked bandit who made off with the contents of a  cash drawer from the fast-food restaurant around 3 a.m. Tuesday.</p>
<p>A <a id="KonaLink0" class="kLink" style="border-bottom-color: #366388; border-bottom-style: dotted;" href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100722/od_nm/us_usa_bandit_underwear#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #366388 ! important; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;"><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">surveillance </span><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">video</span></span></a> captured the woman on tape  and was broadcast on local television, prompting several tips that led  police to a condemned home on Wednesday night where Lain was found  living, said Midwest City Police Chief Brandon Clabes.</p>
<p>Police found the underwear - a white stretch girdle known as 'spanx' -  along with illegal drugs, including methamphetamine.</p>
<p>"She admitted to her role in the burglary," said Clabes. "And we found  the clothes she wore. This was a really bizarre disguise. I wasn't sure  what spanx was. I've never seen a woman with one on; now I've seen one  on someone's face."</p>
<p>Police said Lain was a former night shift manager at McDonald's but was  fired about a month ago. Lain told investigators she needed money and  suffered from a gambling problem.</p>
<p>She is being charged with second-degree burglary, possession of a  controlled dangerous substance, possession of paraphernalia and illegal  trespass</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/storage/r2415360384.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1280232546299" alt="" /></span></span></p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/26/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/26/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-26T12:16:36Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Man robs bank in clown pants, fake breasts</h2>
<p>SWISSVALE, Pa. &ndash; Authorities say Pittsburgh-area man robbed a bank  wearing a woman's blond wig, fake breasts under a sweater and clown  pants.</p>
<p>Swissvale police say 48-year-old Dennis Hawkins of  North Braddock was sitting in a parked car covered in red dye from an  exploding packet in a bag of money when he was arrested Saturday.</p>
<p>Police Chief Greg Geppert says Hawkins robbed the  bank at gunpoint, using a toy BB gun he had shoplifted from a store.</p>
<p>Geppert says Hawkins then entered a <a id="KonaLink0" class="kLink" href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100726/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_clown_pants_bank_robbery;_ylt=Arub6hOgYHvxgFiRvGDOS6LtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTMwamF1YzYzBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwNzI2L3VzX29kZF9jbG93bl9wYW50c19iYW5rX3JvYmJlcnkEY3BvcwMxBHBvcwMxBHNlYwN5bl90b3Bfc3RvcnkEc2xrA3BvbGljZW1hbnJvYg--#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #366388 ! important; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;"><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">woman's </span><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">car</span></span></a>. She got out, took her keys and  alerted police. Hawkins was found sitting in the car.</p>
<p>He is being held on $230,000 bail. It's not clear  whether he has an attorney.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/22/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/22/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-22T12:15:32Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Utah man in doghouse for writing to wife's cat</h2>
<p>SALT LAKE CITY &ndash; A Utah man is accused of violating a protective  order because he allegedly sent letters to his estranged wife's cat.</p>
<p>Authorities say 32-year-old Ronald Charles Dallas, of  South Salt Lake, was ordered not to contact his wife, who is the  alleged victim in a domestic violence case against him.</p>
<p>Prosecutors allege Dallas mailed 11 letters from jail  that were addressed to her cat Molly Judge and a neighbor, but were  intended for his wife. They say the letters asked her not to testify  against him.</p>
<p>Dallas now faces 11 counts of violation of a  protective order and two counts of tampering with a witness.</p>
<p>His court-appointed attorney, Trent Ricks, says he  couldn't comment until he speaks to his client.</p>
<p>﻿</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/21/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/21/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-21T12:14:54Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Pa. man charged with chiseling into building</h2>
<p>LANCASTER, Pa. &ndash; Police have arrested a man they say tried to use a  hammer and chisel to break through the wall of a <a id="KonaLink0" class="kLink" href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100720/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_chiseling_burglar;_ylt=ApsFCpAKrYeSobeCf5y6k.ztiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJwcTRjaG0xBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwNzIwL3VzX29kZF9jaGlzZWxpbmdfYnVyZ2xhcgRjcG9zAzMEcG9zAzYEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDcGFtYW5jaGFyZ2Vk#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #366388 ! important; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;"><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">temp </span><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">agency</span></span></a> to commit a burglary. Authorities arrested a 35-year-old man after he  tried to chisel through the rear wall of the Labor Ready temp agency in  Manheim Township. Police said an officer saw the man chiseling into the  wall before fleeing on foot, leaving behind a basketball-sized hole in  the brick. He was captured a short time later.</p>
<p>He was being held in lieu of $25,000 bail.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/20/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/20/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-20T13:22:42Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Iowa man who just wanted a hug lands in jail</h2>
<p>OWA CITY, Iowa &ndash; Police arrested a man who they said punched another  man who refused to hug him. <a id="KonaLink0" class="kLink" href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100720/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_hug_assault;_ylt=AqNplRhuN7z62vjR8cFy0XrtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJqdjZzaXBvBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwNzIwL3VzX29kZF9odWdfYXNzYXVsdARjcG9zAzIEcG9zAzQEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDaW93YW1hbndob2p1#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #366388 ! important; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;"><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">Iowa </span><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">City </span><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">police</span></span></a> responded to a report of  someone being aggressive and punching cars Sunday night. The suspect, a  23-year-old man, told police he became upset after he tried to hug a man  and was pushed away.</p>
<p>Police said the man punched and dented the hood of a  car before punching the man he tried to hug.</p>
<p>Police said the man had a <a id="KonaLink1" class="kLink" href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100720/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_hug_assault;_ylt=AqNplRhuN7z62vjR8cFy0XrtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJqdjZzaXBvBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwNzIwL3VzX29kZF9odWdfYXNzYXVsdARjcG9zAzIEcG9zAzQEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDaW93YW1hbndob2p1#" target="undefined"><span style="color: #366388 ! important; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;"><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">blood-alcohol </span><span class="kLink" style="color: #366388 ! important; font-family: arial,helvetica,clean,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 13px; position: static;">content</span></span></a> of .086. He was charged  with simple assault and fourth-degree criminal mischief, a serious  misdemeanor.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/15/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/15/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-15T12:29:41Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 id="yn-title">Men accused of beating Porky Pig at theme park</h2>
<p>GURNEE, Ill. &ndash; Police said authorities at Six Flags Great America  ejected two off-duty employees from the theme park after they allegedly  attacked a female colleague dressed as "Porky Pig." Gurnee Police Sgt.  Jon Ward says two young men took a photo with Porky on Monday afternoon,  and then punched the mascot in the head 10 to 15 times.</p>
<p>Ward said park security detained the men until police  arrived. He said the men wereissued local ordinance citations for  battery.</p>
<p>He said the suspects denied the attack, but witnesses  confirmed the story.</p>
<p>The 24-year-old woman inside the mascot costume  suffered headaches and a stiff neck.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item><rss:item rdf:about="http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/14/daily-dumbass.html"><rss:title>Daily DumbAss</rss:title><rss:link>http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com/daily-dumbass/2010/7/14/daily-dumbass.html</rss:link><dc:creator>The Drunk Canuck</dc:creator><dc:date>2010-07-14T12:00:44Z</dc:date><dc:subject></dc:subject><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h1 id="yn-title">Australian bitten while trying to sit on crocodile</h1>
<p>PERTH, Australia &ndash; A man ejected from a pub in Australia broke into a  zoo and climbed onto the back of a crocodile named Fatso, which bit him  on the leg but then let him go. Police said they're surprised the croc  didn't inflict worse damage. The 36-year-old man, who police said had  just been thrown out of a pub for being drunk, told officials he scaled  the barbed wire fence surrounding the Broome Crocodile Park in remote  northwest Australia on Monday night because he wanted to give the  16-foot Fatso a pat.</p>
<p>"He has attempted to sit on its back and the croc has  taken offense to that and has spun around and bit him on the right  leg," Broome Police Sgt. Roger Haynes said.</p>
<p>The saltwater crocodile then inexplicably let the man  go, and he climbed back over the fence to safety, police said.</p>
<p>The man, who was a tourist from eastern Australia and  whose name was not released, suffered some "very nasty lacerations" and  was taken to a hospital, Haynes said.</p>
<p>"Saltwater Crocodiles... once they get hold  of you, are not renowned for letting you go," Haynes said. "He's lucky  to have escaped with his life."</p>
<p>Saltwater crocodiles are the world's largest reptile  and can grow up to 23 feet (7 meters). They have become increasingly  common in Australia's tropical north since hunting that almost  extinguished the species was banned in 1971.</p>]]></content:encoded></rss:item></rdf:RDF>