What would be the best way to defend against a velociraptor attack? Since one may never know when a velociraptor will strike, it pays to always be prepared. How should I be prepared?

Best Answer: Carry around a sack of raw meat that you can use as a diversion if you're attacked. Unfortunately, all that raw meat may have the unintended consequence of actually attracting velociraptors to you... That's why you should also carry some "Female Velociraptor in Heat" spray to fool your attackers into thinking you're one of them. However once again, this may have the unwanted effect of illiciting aggressive sexual displays from the males, who usually begin the mating ritual by subduing the female with a sharp bite to the nape of the neck. Procede with caution.
And always remember, the word "velociraptor" comes from the latin "velocitas" meaning "with great speed", and "rapetore" which means "one who rapes." Therefore, the term velociraptor literally means, "One who rapes with great speed."
May God have mercy on your soul.  (More Answers)